NFL Mock Draft: Round 1 (Peter King Edition)
I mocked picks 1-32 but with a twist inspired by one of the greatest sports writers of our time.
Hello friends, it’s been a while.
After taking the 2023 regular season to figure out the direction of Press Coverage, I’ve come to this conclusion—get ready for it to melt your faces off*
*(not literally, as I would like to keep my apartment and not be taken to court for such side effects this substack may cause.)*
Now that little note is taken care of, there’s no better way to reintroduce Press Coverage than being unique in releasing a Mock Draft…
Okay, it’s not original, BUT what about putting a unique twist on something that can sour on people quicker than spoiled milk? As everyone knows, the great Peter King has decided to hang up his handy dandy notebook and retire from sports journalism. King would always end his Football Morning In America columns with a Haiku. Some weeks, I would read his articles backward to read the poem first.
So, as someone who’s been influenced by “The King” and his work, it’s only fitting this once-a-year mock draft pays homage to the real G.O.A.T. Without further ado, here’s Press Coverage’s Annual First Round Mock Draft with a Peter King Twist (TM pending).
No trades. No explanation of the selections. Just haikus. Enjoy:
1. CHI - Caleb Williams, QB
The dark cloud is gone.
And the savoir has arrived.
Please don’t mess this up.
2. WAS - Jayden Daniels, QB
Commander in Chief.
In need of a bulking plan.
The next Joe Burrow?
3. NE - Drake Maye, QB
Baby Josh Allen.
Who needs to sit for a year.
When ready; watch out.
4. ARI - Marvin Harrison Jr., WR
Harrison Jr.
Honors the family name.
Ossenfort for Prez.
5. LAC - Malik Nabers, WR
Mister Rodgers said,
“Oh won’t you be my Naber?”
Herbert’s new best friend.
6. NYG - Rome Odunze, WR
Contrary to some.
Men think about Rome often.
Mainly Coach Daboll.
7. TEN - Joe Alt, OT
A super short name.
Ideal for the beat writers.
And for Will Levis.
8. ATL - Byron Murphy II, DT
Unblockable beast.
Carr, Mayfield & Young—Look out.
This one’s gonna hurt.
9. CHI - Jared Verse, ED
A complete defense.
Eberflus is Eber-Juiced.
Wild Card hopefuls.
10. NYJ - Troy Fautanu, OL
Plug-and-play player.
Who can learn from Tyron Smith.
And can save some jobs.
11. MIN- J.J McCarthy, QB
His name is ‘Ice Man.’
Have others found this thread yet?
Skol chants echo loud.
12. DEN - Bo Nix, QB
Payton has his guy.
To play above Sea level.
Hope he doesn’t sink.
13. LV - Michael Penix, QB
The Raiders fell hard.
Hoping the gamble pays off.
And not lose it all.
14. NO - Olumuyiwa Fashanu, OT
The beat reporters.
Hope he has a good nickname.
Or it’s copy-paste.
15. IND - Brock Bowers, TE
Brock Bowser is here.
Yes, his nickname is Bowser.
Scrub the combine pic.
16. SEA - Cooper DeJean, DB
A swiss army knife.
Macdonald’s farm gets bigger.
Please bring back the hoop.
17. JAX - Quinyon Mitchell, CB
Everyone’s asking:
What happend to Jacksonville?.
Mitchell is Step One.
18. CIN- JC Latham, OT
Good news for Burrow.
He’s Superman at tackle.
Just turned 21.
19. LAR - Laiatu Latu, ED
Batman on the edge.
With all the tools in his belt.
To replace Donald.
20. PIT - Taliese Fuaga, OL
Nasty SOB.
Especially on the run.
A Pittsburgh player.
21. MIA - Dallas Turner, ED
A young Bradley Chubb.
Fills a need for Miami.
Dallas turns the tide.
22. PHI- Terrion Arnold, CB
The Eagles did it.
They picked a first round corner.
Howie keeps cooking.
23. MIN - Mike Sainristill, CB
Converted wideout.
The draft’s best nickle corner.
High character guy.
24. DAL- Graham Barton, iOL
Flexability.
Could be at center or guard.
Dallas is all in.
25. GB - Amarius Mims, OT
Has all the talent.
With just eight starts in college.
Still needs time to grow.
26. TB - Kool-Aid McKinstry, CB
Has the koolest name.
Day one starter for Saban.
That should speak volumes.
27. ARI - Jackson Powers-Johnson, iOL
Parting the Red Sea.
Should be on ‘Bully Beatdown’.
Is that show still on?
28. BUF - Brian Thomas Jr., WR
Replacement for Diggs.
Josh Allen deep shots for days.
This can’t be “enough.”
29. DET- Darius Robinson, ED
Home town kid comes home.
Campbell will love his toughness.
Could be team captain.
30. BAL - Tyler Guyton, OT
He’s raw as sushi.
But the upside is All-Pro.
The Ravens draft well.
31. SF - Zach Fraizer, C
4-time wrestle champ.
A 4.5 GPA.
All before college.
32. KC - Adonai Mitchell, WR
If Mitchell takes off?
The NFL should be scared.
Three-peat incoming.